he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
And then he peed in my hair
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