Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We need a shit load of segways right now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
