A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
