theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
