Did you just see the Batmobile???
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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