Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
