I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
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i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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