remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
