So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
