i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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