ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
