I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
