I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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