So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
