Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
