Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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