Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
