I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
