My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
