i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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