Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Pappa wants mamma naked
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
