Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
