you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
