No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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