Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
