dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
