the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
