Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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