I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
