If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
