We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
