I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize