we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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