So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
