Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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