sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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