That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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