Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
