I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just puked most of my soul out..
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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