The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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