i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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