guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
