we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
