this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
