I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wish you could order shots online.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
