you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
