you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
