Screwed.edu
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
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I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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