I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
