where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
