We're facebook friends in real life
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
