just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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