We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
