I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
