this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
