Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
