people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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