I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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