Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this just has baby written all over it
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Can you repeat that, but with context?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
