Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
