I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
