he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
