SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
