i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
