I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
