Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize