i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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