after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
