sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
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i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
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I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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