So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
