And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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