He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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