paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize