I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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