I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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